Our Week Recap

Dear Future Stella,

We have done some pretty fun stuff these past couple of days. Current Stella is evolving into this little lady that doesn’t totally suck to spend time with.  Who knew? 

As a family we went to Sushi on Saturday night. Current Stella tried 5 new foods 

*raw yellowtail




*beef gyoza

In exchange for trying these foods Current Stella was allowed to pick out 5 things from Amazon.com, making this sushi dinner stupid expensive. Here are the 5 things she wanted to get

*Frozen glitter gliders

*the Elsa and Anna flip and switch castle

*a package of 10 Barbie shoes

*a Cinderella Barbie

*some other frozen bullshit thing that looks just like a ton of other worthless crap you have accumulated. 

I try to encourage trying new foods in ways  that don’t involve forcing or other food incentives, like dessert. Although you are technically being motivated to try new foods by the reward of toys, we don’t sit there and beg and pressure. If you do it- great, if you don’t, we are just as happy because we are not as broke. It’s a total win-win.

On Sunday we went to brunch with my mommy bestie (the incredible Kelly) and her daughter, Current Stella’s classmate, Audrey. We ate at Tipsy Pig and Kelly bought Current Stella a book at the local bookstore. Here’s a shocker- it was a princess book. I will never understand this obsession, but I understand less the groups of moms who are totally anti and try and steer their daughters in other directions. As if! It’s like a princess has invaded her body and there is nothing I can do to stop the incessant princess language, attire, or behavior. I just tune it out with the help of wine and good friends.


Here is Audrey, flipping me off. You two cuties are really just a pleasure. It’s called Tipsy Pig for a reason and so I’m pretty sure I’m just chugging vodka by this point. Just kidding, I’m actually nursing a Bloody Mary because the night before was a rough one.

On Monday it was both the first day back to school from Spring Break and  the opening day for the San Francisco Giants so I decided to have friends over to watch the game and celebrate the beginning of our favorite season. Naturally, this meant sending Current Stella to school in head to toe Giants gear. As soon as I dropped her off I received an email from her school reminding me that today was picture day. Fucking perfect. 90% of the time time Current Stella is a walking fashion billboard, and the day it’s actually going to be captured by professionals, I send her to school looking like some sort of sporty spice. 



Whatever, I guarantee this picture will be cuter than your actual cheerleading pics (if you ever became one). So if you ever have wondered why you are wearing fan gear in your school photo, that is why. 

The Giants party was super fun but we lost. In attendance was the Kimbroughs (duh), Annie and Andy, Kara, Phillip, and Gail The Puppy. It was ballpark food themed so I was in heaven.    


After most everyone left Current Stella and Annie snuggled up and read a book. Hopefully she is still in your life- your bond is pretty special and it’s such an awesome mom feeling when your friends make an effort to connect with your kids. 


Ok, confession. I just wanted to show that last picture because it looks like Gail the Puppy is totes dancing like a boss. Although my friends reading to my kid is sweet, let’s be honest, if Gail wasn’t doing the Macarena then this photo would never had made it to the future.

On Tuesday Kelly and myself took Current Audrey and Current Stella to the DeYoung museum to see the Bouquets de Art exhibit. I really wanted to take her there because Current Stella is obsessed with flowers of any kind. This exhibit brings in floral designers from all over the area to make arrangements that compliment the museum’s art. It’s absolutely stunning what some people can do with flowers.



Ugh. You better still be friends with Audrey. She’s such a badass little kid. 



It has been a great couple of days. Tonight Current Stella was being a slight pill when I got home from work. Not anything crazy like OxyContin, more like a Tylenol, but a pill none the less. 

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, your Grandpa sent you a coloring book of all the native flowers in California today. You LOVED this and immediately wanted to color in it and learn about all the flower names. You were very curious about pansies and I told you that it was your dad’s favorite flower. When he got home you attempted to share this newfound knowledge with him (as I was hoping) but you butchered it and said, “Daddy, Mommy told me you like panties.” This made him beam. Child, do you have any idea how many times I have set you up for the greatest joke of all time and it backfires and the joke ends up being on me?  All your fault. 



Oops, I Did it Again

Dear Future Stella,

I did that thing that I said I would never do again. The temptation was just too strong and it conquered me in a desperate moment of weakness.  It’s been almost a month since my last relapse. 

I got another spray tan.  I know. I can feel you judging me from the future. I’m confessing this to you because I know they have come up with a solution by the time you are reading this that has totally solved the need to be bronze without the very dangerous (and time consuming) act of actually being exposed to the sun. I hope this is one of the many times you read something about my life 20 years ago that makes you comprehend just how difficult and tragic life was for me way back when. 

I smell like an old tampon. Wait, don’t tell me they have improved the tampon situation too? Must be nice you little priveledged princess. I know I should be happy for you that so much progress has been made in areas that have felt so inhumane for too long. I should wish for these advances to happen in your lifetime, but I can’t find it in me right now. I want you to experience the rancid awful nightmare of looking liked a streaked Oompa Loompa. If you can’t experience this then I feel you will never quite understand me and my struggle. 

I look really tan and I’m so totally happy. It justifies the smell in every way. Today is my last day of work before we leave for Spring Break and I will never tire of hearing my clients tell me how tan I look all day long. It’s glorious and worth every awkward moment when the air from a neighboring blowdryer wafts the putrid aroma right into their face. 

Current Stella had Wacky Wednesday at her school. She said the wackiest thing she could think of would be to wear leggings. This was one of the most proud moments I have experienced so far in parenthood. If I teach her nothing else, I’m glad I have engrained in her the horror that is leggings on anyone over the age of two. Who am I kidding, I teach Current Stella useful things all the time. I have yet to meet another four year old who can identify five out of eight of the Kardashians. 

Here you were on Wacky Wednesday


It might have been Wacky Wednesday at school but it wasn’t a holiday recognized on public transportation so I chose to sit a few rows away from her.  She was looking like a hot mess reading a disturbing book about a princess that smells like fish. I knew what that little brat was insinuating by picking that book on the day, I too, smelled of tuna. Well played kiddo, well played. 

You let me make your hair look insane which was fun because you often freak out when I just want to brush it


Apparently your dad had a blast taking those rubber bands out for your swim lesson. 

Your G-ta, Guncle and your cousin Madeline came into town to hang with us for a few days before we head out for Easter break. I’m sure their visit will inspire lots of silly memories and stories to tell you.

I will keep you posted.

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, you told me this morning that your vagina felt soft like a blanket. I want you to hold on to that memory forever and ever. 



The Statement Necklace


Dear Future Stella,

Current Stella is quite the fashionista, mainly because she still lets me dress her! I keep waiting for her to demand to pick out her own clothes, but that day has not come yet. As much as I love a kid in random clothes that is so obviously self chosen, I adore the task of picking out her outfits. Its really fun for me and she looks so dang cute in everything!! One of the things she really loves is jewelry, specifically necklaces. She isn’t allowed to wear jewelry to school (something we got reprimanded for her first week) so the weekends are extra special because we get to add this bit of flair to her ensembles. Today was no exception. We were just going to the park, but a necklace was a must. This is an old necklace of mine and I actually have no idea where it came from but I thought it looked cute with your sandals.


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Your dad was annoyed with me for dressing her like this for the park because he was worried she wouldn’t be able to play. She didn’t seem to have a problem.







I think its important to note Future Stella, this is February and she is wearing a skirt, tank top and sandals. We are having crazy nice weather this year. Its unbelievable.

Here are some of my favorite Past Stella’s statement necklace looks. This first one is technically not a necklace but the rest are. Its actually my very first Instagram post ever- exactly 2 years ago, to the day strangely enough.


These next ones are you rocking my costume jewelry








This next necklace she wore all the time, including on a camping trip!




I even let her wear my expensive and sentimental jewelry. As crazy as that sounds, Current Stella is always telling me where I left my phone and my keys so I knew they were better off in her custody. The silver necklace with the circle is Tiffany’s and was a gift from my best friend (Auntie Amy) for being in her wedding. The small gold locket was given to me by my dad (Grandpa) on the day he married my mom (Gma). That is for sure a whole other post!

At some point she became obsessed with the double necklace look. The first picture shown is actually her first day of school outfit at preschool. Soon after, we received a very kind email informing us of the no jewelry rule. I was kind of proud because if she was going to get in trouble by the principal, at least it was fashion related!


And to prove she was still just a kid, here she is rocking her favorite statement necklace. It is of the candy variety.

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, you are such a treasure to dress each and every morning.