Dear Future Stella,
Today is the day after St. Patrick’s Day- and this post was meant for yesterday but I was so drunk that I couldn’t type. Sadly, I’m kidding. I was actually trying to hunt down an old photo of you to include in this post and I couldn’t, for the life of me, find that son of a bitch.
I did eventually find it- using the very advanced technique called Looking At Every Fucking Picture I Have Ever Taken In My Life. This method is tedious but it works. It basically took me all day. Worst St. Patrick’s Day Ever.
St Patrick’s Day is all about wearing green and drinking beer. Speaking of wearing green, if you are a young adult (which I’m not anymore) and live in our neighborhood apparently the only green garments available are from a lingerie store. These stores also seem to be out of every size but XS. They are probably lingerie stores for leprachauns, somebody should inform all of my neighbors.
Speaking of beer, drinking lots of it while wearing tiny green clothes is a recipe for awesomeness. Your dad and I love to drive around and see all of the stumbling, green-clad, obviously freezing humans. Your dad and I will drink beer on certain occassions. We like it, but it’s not usually our first choice. There are 10 scenarios when beer is preferred-
1) on a lake
2) at a sporting event/ Sports Bar
3) Before 10am in Mexico. After that- tequila is the top choice.
4) After 10pm in Mexico, if we have had too much tequila
5) At any event where the wine choices are sub par
6) when I’m home alone and the effort of opening a wine bottle seems too difficult. Or when I’m home alone and it’s unclear which of your Dad’s wine collection is fair game. Or when I’m home alone and I feel like drinking a beer.
7) when you’re out to lunch on a Tuesday and your friend orders a beer first and you don’t want them to feel weird by ordering a triple martini (your first choice). I either order a water to make them feel weird or I go with a beer to fit in. Depends on my mood.
8) when we are on antibiotics or other scenarios where we are not supposed to be drinking.
9) when we are wine tasting and we get a little thirsty. This is called a beer intermission.
10) On St. Patrick’s Day.
Baby Stella and Current Stella have already had some experience in the beer department. Your dad has trained you to bring him beer in all the above mentioned approved scenarios.
Current Stella looked so cute on St. Patrick’s Day
Future Stella, I Love You. Current Stella, quit taking photos of the ground, or your dolls feet, or me angled up while I’m eating. All of these worthless photos are the reason it took me all day to locate a single photo.