Dear Future Stella,
Today was Current Stella’s half birthday. She turned 5 and a half. I remember being obsessed with getting older and getting so excited to be able to add any fraction onto my age. My Uncle Ricky always made my half birthday a big deal so I wanted to do the same for Current Stella. To make today extra special for her I had a mini half party set up for her when she got home from school. I had a banner hanging with only half the letters to spell Happy Birthday, I cut the cupcakes in half and put 5 and 1/2 candles on hers. I wrapped a present to look like it was divided in half and even cut traditional party hats in two to make it extra silly. It was a big hit for Current Stella.
Now that I only have 6 months left to plan Current Stella’s birthday party I am getting a little stressed out. She keeps switching themes and being really noncommittal about her plus one. These gigs don’t just happen in a month so I need her to focus and start making some decisions. She’s way into this crap called Shopkins and threatened to have that be the theme which would blow hard so I need to somehow make them disappear.
Your Grandpa had a birthday this past weekend. He turned 61. Your Grandpa is the definition of a Capricorn to me- practical, ambitious, wise, cautious, and patient. Things that will always remind me of him are fishing, boating, Bloody Marys, ice cream, and napping. Heres a little tribute to the man who would stop at nothing to achieve happiness for all the women in his life, us included.
Your Gma is also a Capricorn but she doesn’t really seem or act like one to me at all. She sends out a stronger Sagittarius vibe in my opinion. I know I briefly mentioned her birthday last week but she didn’t get the full treatment because I had so much to say about the holidays. Your G-ma is basically my best friend and I’m so glad she didn’t abort me, give me up for adoption or intentionally leave me a park. She’s really good at making friends, growing plants, and she is the least judgmental person I know. We get along because we both enjoy shopping, lounging, and a good book.
Your G-ma and Grandpa are one of the cutest couples to ever roam this earth, and roam this earth they do. A lot.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, you helped me make homemade baked chicken nuggets last night. You did a great job except that your dad was up all night puking and then spent most of the day shitting. I am not blaming you per-se, but you were in the driver’s seat on that one. In hindsight, allowing a child at age 5.4999999 to handle raw chicken was probably a poor parenting decision but we have been binge watching Master Chef Juniors and those fuckers are like shucking scallops and making risotto so I just thought you had this one.