Current Stella is Halfway to Six and her Grandpa is Halfway to Ancient

Dear Future Stella,

Today was Current Stella’s half birthday. She turned 5 and a half. I remember being obsessed with getting older and getting so excited to be able to add any fraction onto my age. My Uncle Ricky always made my half birthday a big deal so I wanted to do the same for Current Stella. To make today extra special for her I had a mini half party set up for her when she got home from school. I had a banner hanging with only half the letters to spell Happy Birthday, I cut the cupcakes in half and put 5 and 1/2 candles on hers. I wrapped a present to look like it was divided in half and even cut traditional party hats in two to make it extra silly. It was a big hit for Current Stella.

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Now that I only have 6 months left to plan Current Stella’s birthday party I am getting a little stressed out. She keeps switching themes and being really noncommittal about her plus one. These gigs don’t just happen in a month so I need her to focus and start making some decisions. She’s way into this crap called Shopkins and threatened to have that be the theme which would blow hard so I need to somehow make them disappear.

Your Grandpa had a birthday this past weekend. He turned 61. Your Grandpa is the definition of a Capricorn to me- practical, ambitious, wise, cautious, and patient. Things that will always remind me of him are fishing, boating, Bloody Marys, ice cream, and napping. Heres a little tribute to the man who would stop at nothing to achieve happiness for all the women in his life, us included.

This is the first photo I have  of just you two
This is the first photo I have of just you two

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I believe this is the one and only fish he has ever caught
I believe this is the one and only fish he has ever caught
Your Grandpa is famous for his unconventional packing methods
Your Grandpa is famous for his unconventional packing methods
He's an expert napper
He’s an expert napper
even at a live concert with thousands of people
even at a live concert with thousands of people
But he's an even better Bloody Mary maker
But he’s an even better Bloody Mary maker
He always finds the ice cream
He always finds the ice cream
Now go get a glass of whatever you are drinking and cheers this man
Now go get a glass of whatever you are drinking and cheers this man
and wish your Grandpa a Happy Birthday!
and wish your Grandpa a Happy Birthday!
before you came along we used to go to Healdsburg for his birthday
before you came along…
We used to go to Healdsburg for his birthday
We used to go to Healdsburg for his birthday

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Your Gma is also a Capricorn but she doesn’t really seem or act like one to me at all. She sends out a stronger Sagittarius vibe in my opinion. I know I briefly mentioned her birthday last week but she didn’t get the full treatment because I had so much to say about the holidays. Your G-ma is basically my best friend and I’m so glad she didn’t abort me, give me up for adoption or intentionally leave me a park. She’s really good at making friends, growing plants, and she is the least judgmental person I know. We get along because we both enjoy shopping, lounging, and a good book.

Your Gma didn't leave my side when I was 10 days past your due dade and I just wanted you out of me.  She was my saving grace during your first days of life
Your Gma didn’t leave my side when I was 10 days past your due dade and I just wanted you out of me. She was my saving grace during your first days of life
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You spent your first Halloween with your Gma
You spent your first Halloween with your Gma
Gma teaching you the very tricky art of shopping in a foreign country- her specialty!
Gma teaching you the very tricky art of shopping in a foreign country- her specialty!
Her love for the San Francisco Giants is real and intense
Her love for the San Francisco Giants is real and intense
She always laughs at my jokes, even the ones directed at her because she gets that I only tease the ones I truly love.
She always laughs at my jokes, even the ones directed at her because she gets that I only tease the ones I truly love.
sun + water + wine + each other = awesome sauce
sun + water + wine + each other = awesome sauce
She brings out my carefree wacky side
She brings out my carefree wacky side
two rafts floating side by side is our idea of the perfect day
two rafts floating side by side is our idea of the perfect day
Although she didn't teach me to cook or do much of it when I was a kid, we both love it now. Her one go-to dish when I was little is still my all time favorite- ground beef tacos in hard shells. Sort of like Taco Bell, but better- not nutritionally, but just better.
Although she didn’t teach me to cook or do much of it when I was a kid, we both love it now. Her one go-to dish when I was little is still my all time favorite- ground beef tacos in hard shells. Sort of like Taco Bell, but better- not nutritionally, but just better.
Your G-ma was my first ever client and she would let me do whatever I wanted to her hair.  Only beautiful women like your G-ma can have that kind of confidence.
Your G-ma was my first ever client and she would let me do whatever I wanted to her hair. Only beautiful women like your G-ma can have that kind of confidence.
Fine dining, and fancy cocktails? We will always say yes to this scenario
Fine dining, and fancy cocktails? We will always say yes to this scenario

Your G-ma and Grandpa are one of the cutest couples to ever roam this earth, and roam this earth they do. A lot.

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Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, you helped me make homemade baked chicken nuggets last night. You did a great job except that your dad was up all night puking and then spent most of the day shitting. I am not blaming you per-se, but you were in the driver’s seat on that one. In hindsight, allowing a child at age 5.4999999 to handle raw chicken was probably a poor parenting decision but we have been binge watching Master Chef Juniors and those fuckers are like shucking scallops and making risotto so I just thought you had this one.

Love,

Mom

2 thoughts on “Current Stella is Halfway to Six and her Grandpa is Halfway to Ancient

  1. Oh, My, God Shelby you are killing me. That ending is incredible. I could pick up the phone and call you and tell you in person that you have brought so much joy to me through your writing and stories and I could thank you for sharing your heart and soul and brilliance but instead I am going to write it because writing is forever — and that makes me part of this legacy you have created for dear Stella. Keep it up girl, you are magic.
    DR

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