Current Stella questions, Future Stella Answers

1) Current Stella- “Why do you keep your shoes on the floor when you have a closet?”

My answer to Future Stella- hopefully you have learned to mind your own business. Something tells me you will end up like your father and always, no matter what, keep a meticulous closet. If this is true you will fundamentally never be able to understand why I keep my shoes on the ground, everywhere, as opposed to the closet where some think they belong. On a side note, do you like shoes? That’s really more important. I might like mine spread around the house and you might like yours in clear plastic shoe containers neatly stacked in your closet that an app on your phone probably catalogues and organizes BUT what matters here is that we both like shoes. I hope we are the same size so we can share shoes, or more like I steal yours to try and feel younger. I will leave them all over the house and you will probably freak out and yell at me and tell me what an annoying mom I am and to quit stealing your shoes.

2) Current Stella- “Mom, why do you shower with your rings on your fingers? Daddy says this ruins them.”

My answer to Future Stella- I bet I have a shinier, bigger and more beautiful ring on my wedding finger now dont I? Back then your 4 year old brain could never have understood that “ruining” my current ring was just part of my master plan to get Daddy to get me a new one. This is a really important lesson. In the crazy off chance that I’m still rocking my very old and ruined original wedding ring then it could mean 1 of 2 things. One, your dad left me years ago and I refuse to accept it and still wear his ring and call myself his wife despite his many requests for me to get off his lawn and go home. The other, more insane possibility, is that I have grown to love the tiny ring that your dad put on my finger and despite it being completely destroyed from showering in it all these years, I can’t seem to wrap my brain around the concept of replacing it. In this very improbable scenario, there is hope for me at last. Due to the obvious sentimental value of my ring I could not, in good conscious, allow you to get married without passing it to you, forcing Dad to get me a new one. Remember that when my ring is now yours, you must take very good care of it. I heard that you shouldn’t shower in rings, as it ruins them.

3) Current Stella- This morning while I was getting dressed and you were totally creepily staring at me while I was putting on a bra, you ask “Why do you wear that?” I explain that women wear bras to cover and hold their boobs in place. You then say, “but your shirt will cover them right?” I go on to further explain the need to hold them in place more securely than a shirt can provide. You then want to know when you will need a bra and if every girl wears one and do bras come in pink or purple?

My answer to Future Stella. Hopefully you ended up needing a bra in the sense that your boobs grew but not in the sense that you need one for lifting purposes. It’s too soon to tell what kind of boobs you will have. I seriously hope that you don’t get mine. One of mine is small and one is big and neither is great. To further answer your question, not every girl wears one but as a general rule, the ones that don’t wear one are usually the ones that really should wear one. There is a small percentage of women who don’t need to wear one and this is usually because a) they are fake, b) they are tiny or c) because they are less than 25 and have not had a child yet. Oh, and bras come in every color. The one you saw me in that day was a nude colored one that Daddy really really hates. He doesn’t understand why they even make them in that color and finds it repulsive. I want you to take general notice of the way I didn’t give a shit. Nude bras are practical and sometimes completely necessary. It just occurred to me that if I ended up keeping my original wedding ring then I most likely would have invested the funds in a boob job. Do they look good? I am getting excited writing this right now fantasizing about my new fake boobs I will have in the future.

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, quit creepin’ on me when I’m showering/changing and I will leave my shoes wherever I feel like it.

Love,

Mom

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