Day 3 Without My Family

Dear Future Stella,

I’m starting to miss you a tiny bit. I forgot how many times a day you give me a hug or a kiss or say “I love you.” You are really affectionate, you know? Are you still? I am not at all but you are softening me a bit to the idea. You start every single one of my days with a giant hug and a kiss on my cheek. Without it, I have learned, my mornings just don’t progress like they should. I find myself stuck in each phase of my routine, unable to move to the next task in a timely manner, resulting in the most unproductive days. I did yoga in your room (your room has the most available floor space in our whole house) and I was looking forward to not having you hand me one of your barbies to dress while I was mid plank. I thought it would be nice to actually be in downward dog without Gail and Phyllis crawling under my face and licking me up my nostrils, my hands not available to swat them away. It was supposed to be relaxing and calm. Instead, I found myself looking at your dollhouse and studying the last way you had everything arranged. Current Stella, we need to talk when you get home , you had the Baby Barbie face down in the toilet. Also, you are always on my case about my closet being messy- you should see how you left Barbie’s closet. Talk about hypocrite! I then turned my attention to your easel and your most recent drawings. Your writing and your ability to stay inside the lines has really improved. When did this happen? All of your S’s were facing the right way. I actually preferred them backwards. I looked at the dresses hanging in your closet and suddenly I registered how big they are. They can’t possibly fit you, there is no way you are that size. I noticed you forgot your pillow. I couldn’t hold my pose because I was consumed with wondering how you have been sleeping without it. I laughed at all the bags and containers you have stashed all over your room, inside them the contents are totally random, but not to you. I thought about moving stuff around, switching out some of the items to see if you would notice. I decided not to because of course you would notice and you would flip the fuck out. You are such a hoarder. It pains you to throw anything away and you love collecting nonsense in bags. It suddenly occurred to me that I am most likely going to be spending a ton of time in the coming years snooping around your room when you are not home. I got really excited thinking about reading your diary and going through the contents of your pockets in the laundry. Looking under your mattress and inside all your drawers. Examining your bed things with a black light. Fingerprint samples. Testing the barbed wire hung outside your windows. Tapping your cell phone. Hacking into your email account. Installing GPS tracking devices inside all of your shoes. Meticulously going through your trash. Drug sniffing dog. Maybe a forensic team from time to time. You are so screwed Stella because I’m only half kidding.

Anyway, I really do miss you. I still miss Gail the most, obviously, but you are rapidly gaining momentum.

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, I raided all your Valentine’s candy last night while watching the Bachelor.



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