Dear Future Stella,
As I’m sure you are already aware, I can find the humor in just about anything. It’s pretty hard for me not to be able to joke around in any scenario life throws my way. I consider it a gift and it rarely fails me. However, today I discovered something so unfunny I couldn’t even pretend to find a laugh. Current Stella at Disneyland for the first time with some sort of illness is the absolute biggest buzz kill I have experienced yet. Here we are, for the first time as a family, surrounded by all the things Disney has invented that make us hemorrhage money, and you are vibrating, not with excitement, but with a raging hot fever. Maybe this is Karma for me hating Disneyland, or joking about measles, or maybe it’s just plain old bad luck. Either way, it really makes me kind of sad. As I have previously mentioned, you sort of deal with yourself when you are sick, so I am left feeling slightly helpless sitting in our room at the Disneyland Hotel, while your cousins are out riding the rides and seeing the sights. You requested we come back here, knowing our next stop was a Frozen Dance Party. Despite the fact that you just got a makeover at the Frozen Salon and you now have the hair, makeup and nails of Elsa, you still wanted to just call it a day. That means you are sick. You basically put yourself to bed, even though you have not had dinner or fun yet. Here’s us trying to give you dinner….
Before you pretty much turned yourself in for the night, we did manage to squeeze in some enjoyment. Here you are this morning, with your idol, Doc McStuffins, who I now believe is a total fucking fraud. Like, why couldn’t she tell you were sick and give you a check-up? Her lame ass toys get treatment for ailments that are not even real, and here you are, a loyal fan, and she just ignores your symptoms and only cares about the photo op. Bitch.
Next you got to meet Elsa and Anna from Frozen. I didn’t tell you this at the time, but they really sucked at looking the part. I expected way, way more. You totally fell for it though and were acting all star struck and awkward.
I love how this pic sort of looks like you guys are having some kind of altercation. That would be my dream come true.
Next we road a pathetic excuse for a roller coaster and you absolutely hated it. I’m going to give you a pass because at the time we had no idea how sick you were. Do I look tan? I better for all the stench I put up with!
Right after this ride you started saying that you wanted to go home and that you didn’t feel that well. I truly, honestly, thought you were trying to puss out on going on any more rides. We decided to come back to the room to give you a break and chill before our long afternoon of more Frozen bullshit. After your younger cousin, Katherine, pissed on the bed and the floor, we decided to head back out. Our next stop was the Frozen Salon where, for a price I am scared to know, some really nice girls will make you look like you are going to a quinceanera. You can thank your Grandpa for this amazing makeover. Despite the fact that you looked insane, you seemed to love this.
And finally, we got one decent picture of you with your cousins and my parents before you begged to come home.
I really hope Current Stella feels better tomorrow so we can enjoy Disneyland.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, in order to get you to swallow a spoonful of honey (for your cough) I had to buy you a toy from the Frozen Store. This is another example of me having to bribe you to eat sugar. My parenting makes no sense sometimes.