Dear Future Stella,
I have spent all 4 1/2 years of Current Stella’s life telling myself I wouldn’t be the Mom that stresses about getting her into Kindergarten. *Fun fact, major tangent here, but did you know that up until very recently I actually thought it was spelled Kindergarden with a D. Mainly because autocorrect doesn’t seem to mind that version, and that’s exactly how it sounds AND I just pictured a bunch of small children blossoming in a garden so that word made more sense to me. Anyway, I can almost guarantee I spelled it wrong on most of your applications. I’m hoping they will see it as some kind of diversity thing where a parent made it to 30 years old without knowing how to spell that word correctly so their kid really deserves a better shot at education. Ok, back to the real story.
Every mom in San Francisco warns you about the stress of getting into Kindergarten. Then they continue by saying everything always works out and not to stress about it. That is basically the equivalent of telling a young person to enjoy being in a bathing suit or advising a 5 year old child on the playground to appreciate their hair because one day it might turn grey. It’s the kind of advice I despise because such epiphanys can only be had once you have made it to the other side. It’s a fact. So yes, I told myself not to stress out and that everything happens for a reason and bla bla bla. We find out tomorrow where you got accepted, if anywhere, and I really tried to keep perspective. In reality I have like 8 new zits, I scream at the dogs for needing to go to the bathroom and tonight I made Current Stella go to bed an hour early. I do this by adjusting the clock on the microwave and then showing it to her. She falls for it every time because she is so naive and loves the structure of a bedtime. If the microwave says its 8pm, it must be 8pm.
*fun fact: our microwave actually hasn’t been adjusted since daylight savings so I actually had to move it ahead 2 hours to trick you, so now instead of being an hour behind its now an hour ahead. I’m not sure it is ever the right time. Ugh, do you even have a microwave? They are bad, right? I knew it.
I hate the feeling of stress and it’s not often I am consumed with it. I would go as far as to say that I have a below average amount of stress in my life. I have a very enjoyable job that rarely creates stress, I only have one child and a very hands-on husband. I don’t commute, my extended family is relatively normal, my health is good, and we always manage to pay our rent so the feeling of stress is actually foreign to me and I despise it.
Tonight I have the kind of stress that consumes you. I cannot think of anything else. I might not get down on the ground with Current Stella and play Barbies with her, or pack her elaborate lunches, or sing silly songs but I care an insane amount about what kind of education she will receive. I truly don’t care if she is a genius, although I hope she learns how to spell kindergarten before me, I just want her to love school and love learning. I want her to meet insanely awesome friends who inspire her to be unique and strong and who support her on whoever she chooses to be. This next school will literally be the backdrop to her childhood. So yes, I’m totally stressed out.
There are a few things I can do to distract me from my stress, because let’s me honest, this stress won’t go away until the letters come, but I needed to find something to totally make me escape. The things that usually work for me are:
1) Getting shit faced wasted (not an option because I work tomorrow).
2) That sweet spot when you are so obsessed with a book that your husband could tell you that he is leaving you for your best friend and you are like, “Can we talk about this later? This book is getting intense.” (Also, not an option because I’m on page 3 of my current book, so nowhere near sweet spot).
3) Wild passionate sex. As much as I would love to pretend this is the method I picked tonight so I could elaborate on this to thoroughly gross you out, that would be lying.
4) Cooking. I don’t know what it is about this chore that I find glorious but I’m legitimately obsessed with it. I like it even more when I get to do it with your dad (by do it, I mean cook, you sicko). When I’m cooking, I’m momentarily lost in what I’m doing and old stresses are replaced with new stresses, things like, “Oh, that’s right, silverware can’t go in the microwave!”
Lately, we have been using this awesome recipe/ingredient company called Blue Apron. Every week they deliver 3 recipes with all of the ingredients to make them. The food is delicious and fun to make and totally stress free. You probably don’t eat food in 2035, but rather take food pills or drink food water. Maybe you plug yourself into an IV to receive nutrients? Maybe you have gone the other direction and everyone eats raw animals? I have no idea, but in 2015 Blue Apron is revolutionary, if for no other reason that it can de-stress me long enough to not finish my thoughts about if you don’t get into any kindergarten how are you ever going to learn how spell kindergarten?
Look how easy and fun it is to cook with Blue Apron! So interesting and distracting. Yes, we drink Stella Artois beer. No, you were not named after the beer, although that’s a way better story than the truth, which is that you were named after your Dad’s Grandma, who was an amazingly strong woman that will be forever missed.
So tonight we cooked Pork Dan Dan Noodles and drank Stella Artois beer and your dad I played eachother on Trivia Crack on our phones while in the same room.
I know I can’t do anything right this moment to change what the letters will say tomorrow. That doesn’t mean I can’t obsess over what I could have done to improve what those letters might say. I will fall asleep thinking about, wake up sweating about it and work all day consumed by it. As much as I hate the feeling of stress, I will gladly feel anything unpleasant if it might improve your life.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, I’m going to apologize, in advance, for my behavior tomorrow. It’s coming from a very deep love that is mixed with an insane competitive drive that I never seemed to find a healthy outlet for (unless you count Trivia Crack).
It just occurred to me that I name dropped Blue Apron and Stella Artois.Trust me when I say,this post isn’t sponsored, nor would they be proud of this product placement.
Also, yesterday a very funny blogger named onlybadchi nominated me for a challenge that I can’t commit to, but I think her site is fantastic so I think you should check it out.