Guess what Current Stella did last night that was soooo not smart? I asked her if she had to pick between me or an iPad for the rest of her life what would she choose? She thought about it for a very long time, clearly weighing out the pros and cons of each scenario, before answering, “the iPad I guess.” You should be so grateful that I’m such a nice person because I could have easily walked away and left you there with just the iPad, forever. Could you imagine? A new iPad comes out like every 26 days so it wouldn’t take long before that model was obsolete. There is only one version of Mom so I will never go out of style or have a replacement on the market that can do more than I can. My battery almost never dies, I have endless free material and the picture and sound quality are quite nice if you ask me. I know more shit than Siri, don’t need wifi to face time you, and the games I know how to play are so realistic it’s like you are really there. I could have been on a beach somewhere relaxing totally guilt free since my child chose to have me go away but NO, I stuck around because you were only 4 and asking you to grasp the concept of forever is just cruel and inappropriate on my part. I will ask you again when you are 12 and this time I will have a plane ticket ready because if you chose the iPad again (or whatever gadget is stealing all of your time) then I’m off to Aruba. Got it?
*when you are 12, if you chose the gadget again and I’m in Aruba please come visit me! The beach is unreal and totally has free wifi so you can definitely bring your gadget.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, get the fuck off your iPad (it’s dad’s actually) and pay attention to me!!!