Its Hard Out Here For a Mom

Dear Future Stella,

Being a mom is hard sometimes. Not because of you, but just trying to “be a mom” is tricky for me. You are actually a super easy kid for the most part. You sucked in utero but after that you have been pretty low maitenance. Due to this, it sometimes makes it hard for me to relate to common mom issues.

 For example, you slept through the night at around 5 weeks of age. You were sleeping 12 hours a night by 11 weeks (thank God because that’s the week I returned to work). Moms don’t like to hear this. We didn’t let you cry. You were just easy that way. I won’t pretend I didn’t read a lot about baby sleep or try hard to promote good sleep- I did. I even had a spreadsheet to ensure that you took the adequate amount of naps and consumed the right amount of milk to promote sleep.  However, you didn’t put up a fight. You just slept. Moms hate it even more when I say that your sleep wasn’t affected by travel or sickness. I don’t know why, but you just went to sleep. 

You didn’t really have a strong “no” phase. In fact, I have some pretty hilarious videos of you saying “yes” to everything including getting your tongue pierced and going to prison. No mom wants to hear that. Again, not saying you were an angel but this just wasn’t a huge issue in our house.

Current Stella sits still at restaurants. She’s quiet on long car rides. She plays for a very long time by herself. We have white rugs and breakable decor at arms reach.  She lets me dress her however I want, no fight. To this day, bed time is bed time. Current Stella will vocally protest some days for maybe 15 seconds- maybe. When asked, she cleans up her toys, takes care of the dogs, brushes her teeth and plugs in my phone. 

I make fun of Current Stella on this blog a lot and she definitely has her moments, but all in all, shes a really terrific well behaved child. She doesn’t eat any food with any nutritional value but that’s about the only gripe I have that I can commiserate with other moms about. 

When I’m standing in a circle of moms and everyone is going on and on about these issues I feel so out of place. I want to add to the commentary and offer relatable scenarios but often times I just can’t. You can be a cry baby and a tattle tale and I welcome these discussions because I want so bad to feel like the mom who just needs to vent about their kid because I find “That Mom” so very endearing and brave and heroic. That’s the kind of Mom I signed up for and was prepared to be. I don’t sugar coat and I went into this role totally prepared to tell it like it is and leave no horrible detail out. Instead, I have this crazy easy child who just goes with the flow and is super nice all the time and can’t love anything or anyone hard enough.

It’s late, and I don’t know where I was going with this but it’s been on my mind a lot today. I was telling my clients about our Spring Break trip today and all my mom clients were shocked that I could take you to wineries and that you didn’t, I don’t know, throw corks at the wine glasses. They wanted to know if you ran around on the train. They asked about “kid friendly” restaurants. I don’t really know how to proceed in these conversations. I don’t want to sound like the asshole who says “um? My kid just lounges at wineries and on trains (with the help of coloring books and iPads) and she goes to whatever restuarant (she might not eat any of the food) but she’s not going to cause a scene.” No mom wants to hear that shit. So I pretend that you sucked a little and the trip barely was considered a vacation because you were such a disaster. 

Every Mom is going to say that being a parent is hard. It really is hard. For some moms it’s the realization that they will never be able to have a typical relaxing family vacation for many years, or sleep through the night for the better part of a decade, or have an orderly house, or just one week without an emergency room visit due to children inflicted wounds. I can’t identify with that Mom at all, but I do totally get how all of those things would suck so hard. I think it’s hard in my own, less identifiable, ways. 

I also know by writing this that it’s like asking for the ultimate jinx. Perhaps you are going to be the absolute shittiest teenager or maybe you will turn 20 and be a legitimate psychopath. Maybe then I will be able to sit around and talk shit about how terrible you are. Part of me hopes so because I believe in fairness and equality but most of me hopes that you stay super easy and enjoyable. 

I also can’t imagine having another child to add to the situation. Those moms with more than one kid deserve some sort of hashtagged holiday on social media. Today is #nationalsiblingday which actually should be more for their parents and the hashtag should be #holyfuckihavemorethanonekidandthatshitishardday. I know with absolute certainty that my next kid would be a lot like Hitler so I stopped. Has anyone in the history of the world won the lottery twice? Didn’t think so. 

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, tonight  while sitting on my lap you told me that you liked my shirt. It’s a v-neck Orange tank top. Your dad asked you if you liked the inside of the shirt too. You yanked the front of my shirt down (exposing my bra) to check and your dad thought he was the most clever guy that ever lived. Just wait until you compliment his pants…..



8 thoughts on “Its Hard Out Here For a Mom

  1. Okay yes my jaw dropped when I read Stella slept 12 hours at night at eleven weeks (wow!) I think it’s great you shared your experience. And it’s true, having added the second one to the mix myself, I must say it is fucken hard! Like really fucken hard. And you know, even though my nights are currently shitty and interrupted, I still consider myself lucky in comparison to what other mom’s struggle with.

    1. You are a rockstar! I always try to picture life with 2 kids and I just can never wrap my brain around how it’s physically or mathematically possibly to survive. It’s impressive to me that despite having 2 and possibly operating on less than ideal amount of sleep that you can even read blogs, let alone comment on one- so thank you! Mad props

      1. Thank you!!

        I think even I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the two kid thing while I’m in the midst of it haha. We thankfully have my mom’s help too and that’s been a huge blessing! The lack of good sleep is what I still struggle with however. Like last night, Elysse didn’t wake up til 4am – yay! But Celeste woke up 1:00am to go potty and then she wanted me to sleep in her room.

        I’m convinced the blogging and reading keeps me sane!

  2. Your daughter will be very happy one day when she’s able to read this. It’s funny and written with love.
    And – can you lend me your daughter? I would like to have a kid like that (no worries, I’m not a stalker) :)

    1. really? It doesn’t make you want to have an intervention with my mom and be like- who raised this insane person? Thanks so much!!

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