Oh Sheet! 

Dear Future Stella,
Does putting sheets on a bed still totally suck in 2025? I just had to put sheets on our bed all by myself last night. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had to do that (it’s usually your Dad’s job) and it always shocks me how ridiculously frustrating that task is. I spend the first 15 minutes debating if I have it facing the right way. Then I start tucking in each corner. I usually get 2 of the 4 corners done before I realize that I have it horizontal and I need to rotate it. Would it be so hard to put some fucking arrows or something that indicate which way it should be facing? I guess I could get sheets with a striped pattern on it or something to end the confusion but still, I would probably forget which way the stripes were supposed to go. Man, that last corner is such a bitch and it is basically impossible to tuck under. You have to have the strength of an ox, and depending on where your bed is located, the flexibility of a contortionist. There has to be an easier way. 

Current Stella has a bunk bed in her new room that I have not had to change the sheets on yet. I’m dreading it to the point of wondering if kids really need sheets. If it’s determined that they do, then I might go the sleeping bag route. She loves camping and if one day she wants sheets then she can do it herself.

Anyway, Future Stella, I bet they have figured this out for you. I’m picturing an electronic situation much like those automatic toilet seat cover machines. Some alert will happen on a device when the dirt ratio has reached its max on the sheets and then it will automatically rotate. You are such a lucky spoiled little brat if you have this device. 
Today at work my hair highlighting comb went missing. It’s basically the only thing I need to do my job that doesn’t have a duplicate. It’s my baby (besides Gail the Puppy obviously) and I can’t do my job without it. There are 6 colorists at my salon and 3 of us use the same type of highlighting comb. When any of ours goes missing we usually check amongst eachother first. Today nobody had mine. In order to be able to still work on my clients I had to visit the highlighting comb convalescent hospital. These combs still technically function but they are missing teeth and are on the verge of totally dying. You would have to be a hair colorist to understand why folding up foils with a comb that is missing teeth sucks so bad, but if you can relate to the sheet situation- multiply that by 100. It really, really sucks. Between clients I would frantically search for my comb and I started to panic that it might actually be gone forever. During my next break I found one online that cost 24 bucks and could be here in 3 days. In a moment of desperation I had a genius idea to offer a cash reward to the assistants if they found my comb. What do you know? That sucker was found and in my hands in less than an hour. 

  
See how adorable and dirty my lost little comb looked? Much like an abducted child, it needed a good scrubbing to resemble the comb I once had. She shined up real nice and was ready to highlight some hair in no time at all. I was so happy to be reunited with her that it made me want to go home and give Gail a big hug and thank my lucky stars that she has never gone missing. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. 

There is a lesson in this for both of us. For me, I should probably own a few highlighting combs. For you, money talks. Always. 
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, I cannot even attempt to consider what it would be like if you went missing. I would offer the biggest cash reward and I would be a total psycho mess. Imagine if I lost Gail though…..
Love,
Mom

11 thoughts on “Oh Sheet! 

  1. Oh goodness, this was funny, clever, cute and all too familiar. I have struggled with bunk bed sheets and blankets. We went through several bunk bed phases — all gone now. :-)

  2. Hahaha is your bed a king size like mine?takes me 15 mins straight from stripping the bed to putting the clean ones on,its all in the technique ,xx Rachel Speedy’s mum

  3. Ummm HEARD THAT re: sheets. And also, like, WTF about your comb all of a sudden turning up once money was involved?!? I am enraged on your behalf.

    1. Hehe. The assistant found it in another stylists drawer so I believe it was honest mistake but there is no way they would have looked that hard if there was no money on the table!

    1. I just can’t handle the small progress that has happened in the sheet department. I mean if apple was in charge of sheets it would be a different world

  4. Ohhhh… how I hate changing the fitted sheets on our King sized bed. Thankfully, my oldest daughter does the sheets and her and her sister’s bunk bed, and of course my teenage son does his own (at least, I think he does…). The only other two beds are toddler beds, and those have me thinking I can keep those two in their little beds for at least a few more years! LOL

    As far as losing things, I am QUEEN. I’m glad you found your comb :-).

    1. Oh thank God this isn’t a personal struggle! It sounds like you have a family plan worked out for the sheet situation. My comb and I had the best day today so thanks for understanding the importance of such things! Thanks for stopping by!

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