Reason #304 Why You Don’t Have a Sibling and Reason #1 Why I Don’t Drive

Dear Future Stella,

I am a terrible driver. I moved to San Francisco for many reasons, but the fact that you don’t have to drive if you don’t want to was high on the list. I drive maybe once a month. I have only had to drive longer than 20 minutes with Current Stella once and this video proves why I will never do that, or procreate, again.

If for some reason whatever modern technology you are viewing this blog post on doesn’t allow you to watch 20 year old video clips, allow me to narrate what is happening in this 3 minute video. First; some back story. At some point when I was driving alone with you on the freeway you took one of your shoes off and it dropped on the ground. You wanted me to get your shoe for you. I explained that I was on the freeway and couldn’t reach it because I needed to focus on not crashing. Its not an exaggeration when I say that driving legitimately terrifies me. I have this very strange fear of getting side swiped by a semi-truck. You didn’t like my answer and proceeded to say “Mommy now” on repeat for the next hour. I only captured 3 minutes of it, in which you say “Mommy now” 111 times. I mean, its amazing I didn’t just drive the car right off the road. I am impressed I was able to figure out how to record you while driving on the freeway and not crashing. I am downright shocked I didn’t sell you as soon as we got to our destination.

Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, if your ability to drive is somehow related to your ability to drive me fucking insane, then Im guessing you are going to be excellent behind the wheel.

6 thoughts on “Reason #304 Why You Don’t Have a Sibling and Reason #1 Why I Don’t Drive

  1. Current Stella, there’s an old Lynn Anderson song, the start of which you might want to sing to your mommy: “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.” :)

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