Feb. 5, 2014
You are 4 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days
Dear Future Stella,
Lately you have been sleeping in like a teenager and often I have to wake you up to get to school on time. You really hate when I have to do this. It’s not like you get grumpy, you more just seem really offended and sad when I come barging in your room, blast on your lights and start singing the most annoying morning song ever. It goes like this “Rise and shine and give God your glory glory.” Repeat like 24 times while clapping your hands. If I’m still alive, call me (or however it is that people communicate these days) right now and I will sing this song to you so you can learn EXACTLY how this should be done.
On this day though, I decided to switch things up and try waking you up in a different, albeit still annoying way. Gail the puppy was just waking up in my bed, being insanely adorable as she stretched and nuzzles into my body, rapidly gaining her puppy energy. It was also right around the time that you were due to be woken up. I scooped up Gail and made my way to your room. I really hope I don’t still live in this house when you are reading this, but if I do then maybe you know how incredibly loud and squeeky your door is to open. It’s crazy to me that this alone doesn’t startle you awake. Then I turn on your lights. You are still as limp as a comma patient. Instead of breaking into my usual song, I set Gail on your bed. She reminds me of a wind-up toy. In my arms she is totally still but once her paws hit your bed she immediately goes ape shit all over your body. She licks every available inch of exposed skin and her tail is basically whipping you in the face as she explores the contents of your bed. Without even opening your eyes you say “Good morning Gail” and you start the process of trying to get back into a comfortable position. You say it in the same calm way one might say “I guess that’s fine” or “the phone is for you.” Do people still use phones? I’m on a phone right now writing this. I think it’s funny that I never use my phone as a phone. I pretty much never answer it or call anyone. I am a texter. I bet texting isn’t a thing anymore either. You have a phone already you know? It’s my old iPhone4G. It’s not hooked up as a phone but you can use the apps and if there is wifi then you can use the Internet. I actually wish that’s how my phone is set up so the phone feature just didn’t work at all. That would be a much better excuse than “sorry I didn’t get your voicemail.” Im jealous that you get to live your adult life in a world that is most likely void of voicemails. I hate hate hate when people leave me pointless voicemails. Voicemails like:
“Hey shelby. It’s mom. Call me when you get a chance.” This could have been solved with a text from mom saying “call me” or even