Dear Future Stella,
We just got back from a really fun Spring Break trip to Santa Barbara. It’s so fun taking you places that I spent a lot of time visiting when I was a child. So fun in fact, that I didn’t really have any time to stop and write!
I would say the most substantial thing that happened on this trip was that your Grandpa (my dad) bought me a selfie stick. I think this is important to share with you because it is one of the first models, I believe, on the market (they are somewhat of a new phenominon). He paid 30 dollars for this device and it utilizes Bluetooth to connect to my phone, allowing me to take pictures while having my camera/phone a few feet away from me. I can almost guarantee that this gadget is completely obsolete by the time you are reading this and I’m sure the following photos are going to make you laugh your ass off. I can, however, fully guarantee that the most flattering angle to capture oneself is STILL coming from high above, at a slight angle. You can improve technology all you want but you can’t change physics/science/facts of life- so if you don’t have 2025’s version of a selfie stick, then I suggest you run out and get one. They are incredibly useful for taking group photos and if you enjoy it when people photobomb your pictures, selfie sticks create the perfect environment for this- producing complete random strangers in the background of every shot with almost 100% accuracy.
There we are at the counter of the store where my Dad bought the stick. Notice how Current Stella needs to work on her selfie pose.
And here we are 20 seconds later on State Street
Here’s your Dad trying it out. Ugh, Current Stella really needs to figure this concept out soon. We are at a wine tasting room called Santa Barbara Wine Collective (in case you care).
Here is our first photobomber of the day. No clue who that lady is but her photobombing skills are borderline professional. She even managed to block the sign that was supposed to document where we were. We were at a winery called Kunin. Your dad and I visited this place last year and really liked it so we took the whole gang back.
Now we are at a place called Drake (another winery). Don’t you like how kid friendly we make our family vacations? All of Current Stella’s friends are probably at a museum somewhere. Notice how her selfie look is dramatically improving? We have only had the thing for an hour at this point. Current Stella has not learned anything in that short of time in her whole life. Mother. Of. The. Year.
By now your Tia (my sister) and your Uncle Germ and your cousins have arrived. They brought along their Au Pair, Talina, so all the cousins stayed back at the hotel so we could have an adult only evening (whatever that means). I have no idea who most of these people are in this picture. I do know we are at a yummy restaurant called The Lark.
This one you can barely see (a major downfall of the selfie stick is that is doesn’t allow you to use flash so night time pictures are horrendous). However, I wanted to include it because Uncle Germ is giving you the bird. Yes, he specifically said Fuck You to Future Stella.
At the end of the night we decided to get in the shower in my parent’s hotel room and take a giant selfie. Adults, especially ones who have been drinking wine all day, do really strange things sometimes. I don’t know why your dad is gripping that bottle of wine but if you notice he was holding it in the last photo as well. Every single person in that picture is related so not sure why we wanted to take a group shower but we thought it was an excellent idea.
That was basically day 2 of our Easter vacation. I couldn’t figure out why my head hurt so bad the next day (Easter) but now recapping on the photos, it makes perfect sense!
Here are some cute photos of Current Stella on Easter.
And, because I couldn’t resist, here are more awkward selfie stick pictures. It’s funny how in pictures of 4 or more people, someone feels the need to put their hands in the air. If that’s not a law of physics it really should be.
The last day of our time in Santa Barbara we had a blast but surprisingly I didn’t take that many pictures! We ate lunch at this awesome taqueria called Mony’s. I might have taken photos but your cousin Kathy (almost 3 at the time) fell over in her chair and smacked her forehead on the concrete and it was really super scary. This is why you don’t mess with the ratio of 6 adults to 1 child when traveling that I mentioned in my last post. She was ok but it scared the crap out of me! After that we tasted wine at a few more spots on the Urban Wine Trail and then we took the train back to the central coast.
Here’s a fun game. Of the 3 following pictures that I took on the train ride home, which represents my favorite view?
A) Current Stella’s butt crack that always seems to be out on display these days
B) Your Dad’s crotch. I love when the selfie stick malfunctions like this.
We were all very sad to have to go home. It was a lovely vacation.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, tonight I got mad at you for leaving your flip flops out because Gail the Puppy chewed one up. You cried and got all sad. Well, after you went to bed I discovered this
That little bitch got mine too! I probably won’t tell you this in the morning because parents don’t really like to admit their hypocrisy to their young children but I did take the photo so at least in 20 years you will know that I’m not perfect.