Dear Future Stella,
Current Stella is sick again. I am having a hard time understanding how this is even possible. Maybe she licks the seats of the bus when Im not paying attention? Last night she just tossed and turned and whined and coughed….all night long. At some point I couldn’t handle all the restless sounds and grunts so I went in her room and picked her up and made her come in our bed. I am not sure what rationale I was using at 2am to convince myself that this would solve the problem, but it doesn’t take a Harvard graduate to guess that all that did was bring the noise closer to me, or more accurately, on top of me. Sleeping next to Current Stella reminds me why I will never, ever, get pregnant again. Your night time interpretive dance moves are a not-so-friendly reminder of what you did to pass the time inside my body. You were such an active little fetus. Check out this video of you in my uterus…
Based on how you behaved in my stomach, I thought for sure you were going to be a little hyperactive bitch bag with a fetish for punching me in my vital organs. Turns out, Current Stella is super mellow and gentle when she’s awake but she turns into an actual spasm once asleep. Last night, was absolutely no exception. I would estimate that she moved at least one limb every nanosecond. Thankfully, she came to the conclusion that we were all in her way (by “we” I mean your dad, both dogs, and myself) and asked if she could return to her own bed. She lasted approximately 15 minutes, but it felt like an entire pregnancy to me and I couldn’t have been more thrilled with the suggestion for her to get the fuck off of me. I was having legitimate horrific flashbacks.
There was a moment though, when she did her signature move, that filled me with amazement, as it always does, every single time I have felt it. When Current Stella is trying to fall asleep, she kneads her feet into whatever surface is available to her in a way that resembles a foot flexing and pointing under water. Its incredibly rhythmic and deliberate. The first time she did it to me (when she was merely a few hours old) I remember freaking out because it was a feeling I was already so familiar with. Fetus Stella did this same movement in my stomach and the cadence of the action is so distinct that I would recognize it anywhere. It was a cool revelation because nobody but me could have known this little detail about you. I felt connected to you and I remember wondering if all of your little quirks and idiosyncrasies would always be familiar to me. Anyway, I don’t get the opportunity to sleep next to Current Stella very often, so this unexpected treat was just what I needed last night. If she had not played lullaby footsie with my abdomen, I would have for sure considered dragging a sleeping bag onto our back lawn to see if the raccoons could sleep with all the racket she was making.
I obviously kept her home from school today and she stayed in bed from 9:30am to 5pm. I swear on Gail’s life that I am not exaggerating. It was insane. The few times I checked on her she was sound asleep. I couldn’t help but be irritated by how still she was sleeping (calm down, I checked for breath before allowing myself to be annoyed). She woke up, ate some food, and went right back to bed. I wish I would have known she was going to marathon sleep all day. I kept thinking she was going to wake up any second so I naturally didn’t do anything productive, the fear being that once I started something she would wake up immediately and be super high maintenance.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, in one of the brief moments that you were awake, you stroked a bag of candy like a cat and told me that you wished you felt better so that you could eat some.