Things I say to Current Stella That Might Explain Future Stella’s Therapy Costs

This morning on the bus you told me “Did you know that water makes you yawn?”
I said, “Really?”
You went on to explain, “Yes, because one time I yawned after I drank water.”
I replied with “That’s correct and having sex makes you pregnant. One time I had sex and I got pregnant.”
This is an example of one of the many times I forget that I’m not talking to Future Stella and you will typically give me this face


Right after I said it I knew I should have given you a more age appropriate answer like, “Yes, water makes you yawn just like every time you watch the movie Frozen a puppy is murdered.”

Last night while you were helping me prepare dinner you asked who taught me how to cook.

I told you the truth (shocker, I know) which is that I taught myself by watching the Food Network all day for basically 2 years. Mom, if you ever read this, I love you to pieces but you never showed me how to cook! You won’t try a bit of the food we make together but I can get you to smell each ingredient. I’m convinced that you actually have a very sophisticated pallet (like your father) and my prediction is that Future Stella is going to be an amazing cook. Am I right? Last night you smelled ginger and said it smelled like Play-Doh. I smelled it, expecting to smell nothing that resembled Play-Doh but you were totally right. It reminded me of when your dad smells/tastes wine and he will say shit like “I get hummingbird piss on the nose with a little shiitake mushroom and sunflower pollen.” I don’t think he’s ever said hummingbird piss but they are always obscure items that I don’t wish to smell or taste so you get my point. However, unlike with your ginger, when I smell and taste the exact same wine, all I smell is alcohol and all I taste is pure heaven.


Here you are helping me cook.

Future Stella, I Love you. Current Stella, I snuck a little bit of the sauce you helped me make on your pasta and you liked it.


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