Dear Future Stella,
I didnt really tell you (or anyone) that I was going to take the summer off from writing this blog but it was not actually something I planned. At first, I thought I just needed to come up for air for a moment, maybe take a week off of writing while I got Current Stella ready to finish preschool. After that first week off Current Stella’s lazy summer vibes were quite contagious and the thought of Current Stella having 3 months off all her preschool responsibilities while my life continued on at full speed really didn’t sit well with me. That kid is just living the dream and I wanted in on that action. I tried to think of other things I could “take a break” from but none of them were realistic (wine) and most were inappropriate (wearing a bra). For example, I would have loved to take the summer off from my paying job as a hair colorist and instead bounce around to different all-inclusive resorts each week, a la Current Stella, because lets face it, thats basically what summer camps are, except camp is way more expensive and doesn’t last quite as long. However, if I didn’t work for just 3 months, sweet, little Gail The Puppy would end up homeless (along with the rest of us) and that just made my heart cry. I couldn’t do that to her. In fact, Gail the Puppy was the biggest motivating factor to why I decided I needed a break. She was starting to act like one of those attention-starved dogs that was raised by their dog walker, which is strange because we don’t have a dog walker. She needed more face time with me so I needed to eliminate something that was a total time suck but that wouldn’t result in any loss of revenue. Giving Current Stella up for adoption and taking a break from this blog were the only things that fit the bill. Ultimately, I chose to pause on the blog but I also cut out bedtime stories and home cooked meals for Current Stella. Both of those are pointless when we have a TV and a microwave. Gail needed me, and she still does, which is why I have decided, moving forward, to write to you only once a week. Maybe when Gail goes to college I will have more time to dedicate to this, but for now, she’s my priority. You understand, right?
A lot of things happened in the past 3 months so I wanted to give you a brief summary.
*Current Stella started receiving an allowance. She gets a whopping 6 bucks a week, $2 of which she is forced to save, $2 more she has to donate (apparently to your father when he runs out of cash) and she gets to spend the remaining $2 on whatever she wants. Her first purchase was a toy from Walgreens that, I believe, is for infants. It was in the budget though so Current Stella was stoked. She also bought a tragic looking doctor kit from the Midstate Fair and just a couple of days ago she used it to buy a wood airplane from the Ferry Building.
*Current Stella and your Dad got matching fishing poles for Fathers Day. Yeah, I know, I am an incredibly awesome gift giver. Your Dad is just ridiculously amazing at being your Dad. I almost hate to acknowledge it on Father’s Day because the man doesn’t need any more paternal accolades.
*Current Stella went to a Sports Camp in your Dad’s hometown of San Luis Obispo. She’s not exactly Sporty Spice, but this camp was a hit. She’s telling everyone it was her favorite part about her whole summer. Future Stella, if you didn’t receive some kind of full ride sports scholarship scenario for college or you are not currently a professional athlete then you have majorly failed as a human. Also, you better have a shit load of money in your save jar because, based on your enthusiasm for this camp, we have stopped contributing to your college fund and we now have quite the budget for Gail the Puppy’s future.
*Your Grandma had a birthday on June 25. You were staying at her house at the time. I was supposed to dedicate an entire post to her, but her birthday fell during my hiatus. To be honest, she deserves an entire blog documenting what an amazingly wonderful Grandma she is. She’s the only person in your life who genuinely enjoys folding your laundry and cooking you meals. She also plays whatever you want, listens to your every word, and teaches you really useful shit like how to set a formal table. I was super pissed the other day when Current Stella didn’t know where the oyster fork goes, so if you are reading this Denise, you have a lot of work to do.
*We went to Oregon for the 4th of July, as per ushe. This is our annual summer hang. Current Stella loves it, I love it, Gail loves it- its a total hit. This year I found a fake piece of poop on the internet to put in my aunt’s pool to stress her out. Stressing out people you love is a must in life, Future Stella, please write that down. The only flaw was that the poop was waaaaay too big to be believable and it had the most unrealistic painted-on piece of corn so your G-ta didn’t go for it. However, nobody on Instagram seemed to notice when I posted this picture of all of us with the casual caption “pool time”
Later, your Dad found a better use for the fake terd.
Here is a great photo of Gail the Puppy on the 4th of July.
*We spent some time at Lake Almanor on Grandpa’s boat. It rained and hailed and stormed for most of our trip but we managed to have a fantastic time because your family is super fun and I hope you never ever forget it. Here is our one and only family photo from the summer, taken at Lake Almanor.
*Current Stella stayed at my parent’s house for 2 weeks without me. I would show you pictures of what your Dad and I were doing while you were gone but my site would get flagged. Current Stella was totally spoiled. She attended a local day camp, ate cotton candy multiple times, and generally got whatever she wanted. My parents were probably too embarrassed to document your stay so I don’t have any photos. Let me paint you a picture. The clock on the wall says 11pm, Current Stella is still in her bathing suit, and she has a lap full of sugary confections that she picked out from the bulk bins from the local candy store. She’s watching a movie (who knows or cares what it is rated) and she is displaying the biggest, most indulgent smile of the whole entire summer.
*Current Stella turned 5. Your cousin Katherine (a.k.a. Baby Kathy) turned 3. You guys were supposed to have a giant joint birthday party at the water park but it decided to storm like the world was ending so we had to improvise at my parent’s house. It was rainbow themed (#equality #lovewins) and I had spent an embarrassing amount of time collecting decorations for this party so I wasn’t about to let the biggest storm in 15 years rain all over it. When life gives you rain, you simply make rainbows. Lots of gay, colorful rainbows. All over your parents house. The result was the gayest (and I mean that both as an emotion and as a sexual orientation) event of the year.
*Your Uncle Ricky had a birthday. He’s the best, and I totally forgot about this day, both on the blog and in real life. He just sent Current Stella the sweetest “Good Luck in Kindergarten” card ever. He’s just the best and we miss him all the time!!
*Headline News Update: Current Stella is still best friends with Tyler. Phew. Not only did they spend a whole week doing “Styler Camp” but we actually went on a little weekend getaway with Tyler’s family. Here are a few fave moments with Tyler and her sisters.
*Current Stella hung out a lot with my family from Florida. Its brutally hot during the summer in Florida, and generally freezing ass in San Francisco so our family likes to come and camp out here for a couple of months. If global warming is real, this should make absolutely no sense to you Future Stella, because based on current calculations, San Francisco is going to be a desert by the time you 25. The family that comes is my Aunt and Uncle (Steven and Janie) and they are overly, ridiculously nice to you. They took you all over the city and made it quite nice for me to live my life. My cousin, Lindsey, came out with her husband and their baby, Jake, who is about to turn 1. I am not sure what my kid is supposed to call my cousin’s kid- second cousin? I have no idea what he is to you, but you were super into him.
*Gail The Puppy turned 1. Probably the event of the year. It also probably means that I have to drop the puppy when addressing her. I cannot do this. Just like those annoying moms, I am going to start using months when referring to her age. I just. Cannot. Say. Years. She’s 12 months old and still chewing the fuck out of everything we own so I would classify that as a puppy. She’s so delicious and I can’t imagine my life without her. Its mathematically impossible for her to be alive so pour some out for her when you read this. She was my whole heart and if you do not name your child after her then I will cut you out of the will. Im serious.
*Your Tia had a birthday. It happened on the same day as Gail’s so I really didn’t get to focus so much on this. Gail is a rescue so her actual birth date is unknown but I chose my sister’s birthday on all the vet forms so I would actually remember my sister’s birthday. On one hand, I finally remember my own sister’s birthday, on the other, its also Gail’s birthday so I can’t really focus on anything else. Anyway, your Tia is the greatest of the great. She loves you like you are her own, even though she has 2 of her own. The 3 of you are so damn precious together I cannot stand it.
All in all, it was a great summer. You start Kindergarten tomorrow. Holy Fucking fuck. Kindergarten. In a uniform and everything. With a backpack. Im totally fine with it….They don’t allow dogs at drop off so I will need to rush home to attend to Gail The 12 Month Old Puppy. I am not at all redirecting my emotions onto other, less important things. I will be generally concerned about Gail, sometimes when she is left alone it makes me cry. That is the only reason I will be crying tomorrow.
Future Stella, I love you. Current Stella, my own words cannot possibly express what a great summer we have had. You continue to show me what it feels like to care about other human beings. The way you lounge all morning in your pajamas reminds me of the important things in life. The way you take on new groups of people and adventures like you did with all 3 summer camps without a peep of apprehension inspires me to attack life with the same excitement.